her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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