Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
