How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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