Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My liver just broke up with me...
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he shaved USA in his pubs
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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