Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
