The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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