stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
