Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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