READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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