Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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