why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
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Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
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Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
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Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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