I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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