i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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