i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
