I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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