im having a threesome with these popsicles
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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