2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
