I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
There was a lot of him and a little penis
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize