Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
