Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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