Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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