Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
