Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
