I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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