You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
