This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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