I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
