ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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