I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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