Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
