3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i want to swaddle you in tequila
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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