meet me or not, i'm out of control
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize