if you like me you must not know who I am
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
