by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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