Betty ford says i'm here all night
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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