Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
