You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
