The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize