it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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