Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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