I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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