He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
