Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
