Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
