Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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