May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
