It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
