he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
