That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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