I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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