I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
