our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Enjoy the penises
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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