FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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