I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
