I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Its about making memories worth repressing
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
