so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
