Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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