Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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